Well I had big plans today! I was going to write and work on my presentation for next week’s workshop, but I didn’t. I slept until 8am, although I didn’t get out of bed until 10am. I wish I could say that I spent the two hours just communing with the Lord, but I didn’t. Today has been a day of sweet reflection and restful thoughts. I haven’t been actively praying, but I’ve been prayerful. I can’t really explain what today is or what I felt when I awoke this morning. Not sadness or happiness, not anything really.
I got out of bed and made my way to the couch, where I sat for another hour. I picked up one of the many books that I’ve yet to finish and read a few chapters. Nothing earth shattering or life changing came from the experience. Then I migrated to the computer, where I read my email, checked today’s news headlines and sent a tweet or two to Twitter.
Two hours later, I felt my stomach complain for lack of food, so I ordered Chinese food. I sorted through the weeks “snail” mail while I waited for the food to be delivered. Thirty minutes later, when the food arrived, I decided to watch a movie. I remembered that I still had my mother’s copy of Mama Mia. I settled back on my comfy couch, ate my favorite Chinese food and mindlessly watched the television set.
Ninety-five minutes later, I cleaned up the living room and washed the dishes, all as I hummed ABBA songs. I noticed the kitchen clock on the wall. “It’s almost 3:30pm and I’ve yet to really do anything!” As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I pushed it away. Not because I felt guilty, because honestly I felt nothing. I was sort of apathetic, which is the complete opposite of my personality. If anything, I’m usually focused on a hundred things, while trying to juggle all those little red balls in the air that someone threw my way.
I decided to play doctor and do a self-evaluation: Feeling Depressed? No! Feeling Unhappy? Nope! Feeling Guilty? Definitely Not! Feeling Stressed? Not in the least! Wait that’s it! I’m not feeling stressed! WOW! I think I’m so used to running at a hundred miles an hour, fighting deadlines and working around time constraints that stress has become a constant companion. An old friend if you will. So today what I’ve been feeling is what? Relaxation? And then it hits me, this is the first Saturday that I’ve had nothing pressing to do in nearly 6 months. I hadn’t even realized that I was missing this. This nothingness. This timelessness. Today was about moments: small moments of just breathing in my own little corner of the world. Over the last 6 months I’d forgotten what it means to just relax. I could get used to this!
It’s nearly 6pm and I feel content, as I write this message to you. Maybe I’m writing it to myself as well, so that I don’t forget the importance of a day like today. A deep sigh of restfulness fills my body, as I plan my agenda for tonight. As I think about the evening laid out before me I remember that I have laundry to do, a sick friend is waiting for me to attend to his needs, and the lawn should be cut before it gets too dark….
Even as my mind dances around the hundreds of things that need my attention and I start to juggle all those little red balls of other people’s expectations, I feel a little calmer than I normally would. Today was a subtle day of sweet relaxation and I am thankful.
“Be still before the LORD…” Psalm 37:7
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